Married to unwedded bliss

I think about all the systems, traditions, protocols, processes and rules we have in place just to get from one point to the next. Its amazing if innovation happens at all, since we seemed to be trained from an early age to avoid mistakes by doing things the tried and true way. People don’t explore, move away, go out on their own for fear of failure. I wish failure wasn’t such a broad and unforgiving term. I wish flaws were celebrated. I wish experience and mistakes were seen as positive.

I speak from a place of extreme anxiety over making mistakes. I was never allowed them as a child so I’m scared of them as an adult. Perfectionism was a duty growing up, but now that I’ve rebelled against that, I fear the dark abyss and danger of fucking up. I’m straddling a line of expectations and desires and I can’t get my other leg up and over the fence to follow the rest of me.

I didn’t go to college, but I’ve been a student of life and experiences and exploration since I was very young. I don’t plan on getting married, but my life is still and will always be full of love, laughter and friendship. I don’t plan on having kids, but I still create works of art every time I type, draw, read, walk, talk. I have absolutely no idea where I’ll be in a couple months… its scary and causes me so much anxiety, but I already know stagnancy offers no solace, so I must push past my hesitation and fear to enjoy what rewards I might get out of my risks. If I do fall, I hope I don’t hit the ground too hard.

 

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