Nothing gets you to start writing again in your blog than the thought of not having written in MONTHS…. backed up by the friendly WordPress reminder to renew your yearly premium subscription to keep your blog online and ad-free.
So here I am.
I happen to be in Nashville at the moment. But I currently live in Las Vegas these days and I find myself on the road a bit every now and then thanks to the relatively new job. Its probably more fun on paper than it is in practice but things are nice right now and I shouldn’t complain. Life, though ever purpose-less, has enough enjoyment popping in to make things worth sticking around for.
I have noticed those of us more depressive and cynical tend to travel in packs. The only unfortunate thing about that is that there’s rarely someone around to bring us up… and even if there is, we tend to be more successful at bring them down than anyone is at anything else.
So. Tennessee. Not really sure what to do here but from a happy set of accidental circumstances, I find myself with a couple of free days to explore a city I never really intended on visiting in the first place. My throat hurts, my eyes are heavy, my hands smell like cigarettes even though its been months since I had one and I am missing weed and wine. I miss being excited about something. Its like a drug you can’t just buy on any street corner… I need more from life but I need it all the time and it hasn’t been the most willing giver. I feel guilty for needing so much.
The gel manicure on my nails has grown out at least a centimeter. The bleached part of my hair has grown out at least an inch. I feel over grown and under kept. I’m never getting enough sleep and I’m never thinking more than a few days in advance. I can’t. If its not thought of, it can’t exist. Each day takes up too much space in my brain to allow for it.
I need more mental bandwidth.
Sorry guys, I hope you’re along for the ride. I haven’t written in seven months so all of these words are coming out faster than I can even think them and I’m not giving enough fucks to censor or edit.
Life is too many things. Its too much of some things and not enough of others. I wanna numb the noise. Breathe.
I don’t know where I’m going with this.
I want to end on a fabulous quote from a friend that couldn’t have said a more accurate statement:
“The more I work in science, the dumber I feel, and the meaner I get when I look at people that are even dumber. Knowledge gives you a certain sense of hopelessness and reason to despair.”